Hey all!
So besides journaling on my thoughts and what I learned every week I am also supposed to read “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. In the three required posts I am supposed to analyze 3 separate chapters from Bancroft’s book and provide some reasons why I picked it, some song or quotes that come to mind when I think about what I learned in the chapter, some pics (the super easy part!! I’ve found lots of cool pics) and provide a video on concepts. So this is what makes these CIB posts a little different than my regular journaling. However! They will still contain lots of IPV info, so stay tuned and ask tons of questions!
So the chapter I chose to write about today was Abusive Mentality. What does something think or rationalize abuse? I’ve heard this question asked by my friends, family, my sister who is in a DV relationship, and I’ve wondered this myself for many years. How can some people hit another person, manipulate and control them, cut their partners out of society and abuse them and think it’s ok?
In his chapter, Bancroft writes about the types of ways people abuse and how they rationalize it, or do it, in each scenario. He talks about control, the view of themselves in the family role, how they view their partner’s anger, how they confuse love and abuse, how they manipulate their partners to believing everything is their fault, and so on. These I felt were the most important so I wanted to tackle those in the video below, so click on it and I will explain all about these abusive mentalities!
So about this video. I looked up some videos on youtube that would talk about some of these points. However, those that were not focused on emotional abuse alone were all about “men being justified for abusing women who seek them” and how women “need to just get out, she’s stupid for staying” are such horrible messages, not to mention wrong in so many ways!! Hopefully I have conveyed to you all, and in this section of my blog, that leaving is never simple, or easy. So in response to all these jerks who are justifying abuse and victim blaming, I made this quick vid to go over the consistent research.
If any of you are interested in looking up some of the stuff that I talked about concerning red flags of domestic violence I found this great site http://www.acadv.org/abusers.html that lists everything in great detail.
Also there is this fantastic site called LOVE IS NOT ABUSE. It’s a site that provides some cool facts and resources (especially those of you going into the education field) on domestic violence not only in adults, but teens as well. There is also a really cool quiz on the homepage to test some of your DV knowledge! I dare you all to get 100%!
Last, but not least, I have to post a link from a peer-reviewed journal. I found this artcle about the help-seeking habits of male and female victims of DV. It shows that formal forms of help were sought by both males and females. These were police officers, doctors, nurses, etc. Informal forms of help (Friends, family, etc) were commonly sought by both males and females as well. However, this study revealed that seeking formal forms of help increased the severity of the violence the victims were experiencing as well as increased the controlling behaviors of their abuser. This study brings up the important fact that just because a victim seeks help that the abuse stops. Often times, as I found with my research on the “Sin by Silence” Film, victims are at higher risk for violence up to an average of two years by their abusers. It’s a very dangerous time as well that I, as a future social worker, will definitely need to be aware of.
That study can be found here: http://ida.lib.uidaho.edu:6233/ehost/detail?sid=1a4d57ca-86aa-407b-a7bd-1473644ce315%40sessionmgr111&vid=1&hid=127&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=aph&AN=48472767
Anyways, hope you all got something out of this CIB as much as I did!
Till the next one!
-Alex
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